What If…

Ok….let me just stop for just a second and be reckless.

For anyone who grew up on Bone Thugs-n-Harmony….please help me…does the opening of “What If” not sound at least like “1st of tha Month…..”…..? Like is that just Admin Pisces….?

If it is, that’s fine and I’ll let it go. But for any of you who enjoy their music and know that song…just let me know. Like let’s talk about that later.

Anyways, we return yet again to brooding, shoulda coulda woulda mournful EXO.

**the biggest sigh EVER to sound**

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And yet despite their pain they are always able to create something so otherworldly and transformative…it just breaks your heart doesn’t it..?

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To this Admin….EXO seems to be talking about a relationship that never got off of the ground (it could be the relationship with the character introduced to us in “Call Me Baby” who seemed to be running away from their feelings for EXO in “Transformer” also…but it also may not be according to some of the lyrics)

She has moved on to a man who seems to actually make her happy from EXO’s point of view.

She’s smiling and EXO seems to be in close enough proximity to the couple to hear that this new love interest of hers calls her “Angel” (I mean just destroy our hearts here! A little deviation….I am so thankful yet again for The Underdogs for coming through on this piece. Thank you to the producers and original songwriters for the demo “Say So” Harvey Mason Jr. of the Underdogs, Patrick “J. Que” Smith, Dewain Whitmore, Adonis Shropshire….like y’all DID this!!! )

The notes about the eyes looking at one another…perhaps it’s just me but this Admin who believes that EXO is talking about looking at her but her looking at him (the man who she chosen)

Eyes looking at each other (Girl I’m missing you)

One pair of remaining eyes, eyes that have lost its way

She honestly doesn’t even to seem to know that he exists. She doesn’t even know what his feelings are…

I made a big mistake, I made a mistake

The dream that grew inside of me

Was that time would bring you to me like the wind

So vicariously he hoped by the wind of fate alone, she would notice him. That he wouldn’t have to make that obvious of a declaration. That she would just see how genuine his love was….but unfortunately for him this was not the case.Their love interest is always just outside their grasp.

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While EXO may have been the right guy for her…he lacked the confidence which is something very persistent throughout many of their songs. They constantly seek reassurance from their love interest and affirmation….which honestly isn’t unusual but it often puts them in this shoulda woulda coulda predicament.

But for one of the first times…I believe EXO is actually trying to be happy for her in her new relationship (perhaps because they do realize that she doesn’t even know how they feel) while also dreaming up “What Ifs…” about what their relationship could have been if he had only spoke up (they have only themselves to blame in the end)

I think this part of the lyrics is especially gorgeous….

(Oh oh yeah) White words that filled up a white canvas

(Oh oh yeah) I guess I saved it up too much

White words that filled up a white canvas.

Colors certainly have different meanings and in different regions of the world there is even more of special significance.

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White is typically associated with purity, innocence, angels, light, virginity, perfection, safety, cleanliness, faith, the afterlife….

In different veins, the color white is also understood to be generally associated with the color of mourning in both China and South Korea.

So again white words that filled up a white canvas.

A canvas is already basically white or bare.

You must add color to it and other details in order to give it meaning.

But to put white words (and how were the words put on the canvas…? Were they painted on with a paintbrush? Was the paint globbed on or thinly written in neat script? Did they use their finger…?)

This translates to me that she was never going to see the words.

He was never going to be that transparent for all of his “well I meant to…”

Now I need to keep you inside my drawer forever

But can I take you out sometimes?

Even if my heart that longs for you becomes a small star

At least from far away, at least in my heart

I will warmly shine on you

Now he must keep her locked away forever. Obviously he is deciding to not ruin what happiness she has even if it ruins him to see it (one remaining pair of eyes that have lost their way..)

And this line “…but can I take you out sometimes…?”

Is he really asking her or is he asking himself if he can bear to let down the guard he puts up around his heart when he’s out in public and happens to see them together…? I think he’s asking himself if when he’s finally alone at the end of the day….can he actually mull over all of the feelings he still has for her…? Can he bear to allow himself to feel the tragic loss that he does and withstand the aching throbbing of his own heart…? Because remember…..she has no idea and he has no intention of telling her.

Though he also comes to grips with the reality that one day this love will fade and die (like a star that we see in the sky that is already dying….) he still feels that even in that moment, as the searing pain of his loss finally subsides from him and ceases to exist…he will love her in his own way still…he will think fondly of her and not come to resent her….at least on the inside.

Not sure if you were ready for the box of tissues I was preparing to hand to you but here you go….

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**the translations I relied on for this analysis were mostly for EXO-K…EXO-M’s translations are what has me squeezing this box of tissues tightly to my chest and sobbing…**

This was your Admin Pisces

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**Experiences Sorrowful Painful yet Exquisite Otherworldly Lyrical  Transfiguration**

Tune in next week with one of this Admin’s favorite songs….a song fit for a proposal honestly…”My Answer”

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(I needed something light hearted….forgive me…)

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